Post by ronefx on Dec 21, 2007 13:33:21 GMT -6
Proud to say I'm from Texas.
>
>
>For those of you who are NOT from the "South"....sorry! (Too bad!)
>
>
>Rules of Texas:
>
>1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
>2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
>truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get
>dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
>
>3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They
>smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east
>and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
>
>4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
>strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
>
>5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try
>to
>understand the concept.
>
>6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL
>shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear
>at the time.
>
>7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
>available at the corner bait shop.
>
>8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
>holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
>
>9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
>age.
>
>10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
>can
>order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
>
>11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
>vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
>Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that
>stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San
>Antonio....and real chili never met a bean!
>
>12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
>over
>ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to
>shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
>13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and
>the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
>
>14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
>spooks
>the fish.
>
>15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They come
>outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they
>still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
>
>
>16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any
>other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whupped by
>the best.
>
>17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
>
>"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't
>make it without Texas!"
>
>Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you are from Texas you are one bad
>hombre!!! If you do not share this with someone in the next 10 min. you are
>not a true Texan.
>
>
>For those of you who are NOT from the "South"....sorry! (Too bad!)
>
>
>Rules of Texas:
>
>1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
>2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
>truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get
>dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
>
>3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They
>smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east
>and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
>
>4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
>strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
>
>5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try
>to
>understand the concept.
>
>6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL
>shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear
>at the time.
>
>7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
>available at the corner bait shop.
>
>8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
>holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
>
>9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
>age.
>
>10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
>can
>order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
>
>11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
>vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
>Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that
>stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San
>Antonio....and real chili never met a bean!
>
>12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
>over
>ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to
>shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
>13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and
>the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
>
>14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
>spooks
>the fish.
>
>15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They come
>outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they
>still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
>
>
>16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any
>other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whupped by
>the best.
>
>17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
>
>"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't
>make it without Texas!"
>
>Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you are from Texas you are one bad
>hombre!!! If you do not share this with someone in the next 10 min. you are
>not a true Texan.
;D
